The Sex Tech

Hopefully people are already cranky about the article that appeared on Yahoo News yesterday that was presented from Cosmopolitan Magazine called, "Dating Advice: Four Guys You Think You Should Date ... But Shouldn't!"

Stereotypes can be very very very bad and evil things. Stereotyping can lead to misjudging people, fuel irrational prejudices like racism and sexism and it can reinforce dogma. Stereotyping is bad, Mmmkay? Yet, even though this may seem obvious to us, this article very likely is being given undue credit. Thus, I'm breaking it down and giving it a much needed critical review.

The first guy that Cosmo says you shouldn't date is "The Workaholic Hotshot." The traits this guy allgedly has are:

1. Well dressed
2. Working long hours
3. Partying
4. Many distractions (referencing sharing time with a blackberry)
5. Greed
6. Promiscuity

People are guilty of doing a lot of things by association - we learn by association, we become fond of things by association and we develop aversions to things by association. Guess which tendency this article plays into! Yes, basically most people will read this and if they don't have some sort of skeptical lens to look through, they're going to associate any of these one traits with the entire picture painted. Thus, they may see a guy all dressed up and think, "wow, that guy is Cosmo's Chump #1! And that person may pass up a great guy as a result. So what if a guy works long hours and happens to have a blackberry? This does not mean he's going to treat you poorly, cheat on you with his secretary and love his money more than you.

Next guy that gets targeted by Cosmo is ... (drumroll) ... "The Adrenaline Junkie". His traits are:

1. Does a bunch of adventurous shit
2. Is Muscular
3. Demanding (because he wants you to be on his adventures)
4. Spotlight hog (because he keeps you on the sidelines)

Essentially, the accusation is that if a guy likes adventure, you're going to have to be condemned to dwell in his shadow forever as he dances around for attention like the hottie Cosmo seems to think he's likely to be. By the way, not every adventurous type is muscular and not all adventurous people are attention-hogging assholes. Besides, what if a girl LIKES adventure? Hell, maybe she's better at triathlons than he is!

Cosmo continues with one that is a classic stereotype, "The Nice Guy With a Chip On His Shoulder." The sad thing about this stereotype is it is reinforced by both men and women and in multiple ways! According to Cosmo, his traits are:

1. Makes fun of other guys
2. Bold clothing styles (but apparently fashion aware - apparently Cosmo doesn't have to make sense)
3. Has "mom issues"
4. Has thoughts that Cosmo can read somehow
5. Worried about being overlooked

Clearly, this guy is a menace to society ... or not. The tricky part about this stereotype is that it is a part of what is known as the Nice Guy Paradox. Basically, we have a problem in western culture where men who have any number of problems trying to get a girl thinks that they are a nice guy (because none of us want to think we're evil and trollish) and fails to see when good guys get girls and then they blame the fact that they are a nice guy on the reason they haven't succeeded in getting a girl! Of course, sometimes nice guys DO finish last, but sometimes they finish first! This also happens to the not nice guys and when the not nice guys are seen succeeding by the nice guys then the nice guys use that information to reinforce that they are nice and that they finish last because they are a nice guy. Confused yet? Well, it gets better. This trend has led to women creating a set of possible stereotypes regarding guys who think of themselves as nice because too many guys claim to be 'a nice guy.' Thusly, we have girls thinking that any of the creepy/crappy/antisocial/douche bag guys they've encountered who claim nice guy status are a good basis for judging any guy at all who thinks they're a nice guy. BUT some guys who claim to be nice guys really are nice guys!

For people who have studied behaviorism, they learn very quickly that people generalize unpleasant experiences and avoid them in an effort to avoid punishment (animals do this too). This is the basis for many of the studies where people are electrocuted. If girls were zapped with an electrical current often when they heard the words, "I'm a nice guy," they'd react pretty much the same way ... either that, or they'd take the damned wires off their fingers. The punishment does not have to be issued every time the girl hears those particular words, it just has to happen often enough for the individual to think she sees a pattern. Since girls also learn by word of mouth and mimicry, the chances of a girl that has been unaffected by the more direct lesson may also be affected by her friends' informing her of their perception of a pattern ... and so the paradox continues to haunt men.

And for their final act, Cosmo had to add in another stereotype most people will think they can identify with, The Smooth Operator. And here's his list of sins:

1. He has a nice car and is a VIP
2. He's entertaining and talks about people (charming?)
3. He's too confident
4. He pays attention to his current interest

Entire movies are made about men with huge egos and who happen to be charming players. From James Bond to Jack Sparrow, our culture reinforces that certain guys get girls and ditch them quickly. Interestingly, this stereotype is not that far from the first one this article mentions and almost feels like a duplicate, except for the charming part. But clearly not all guys with a nice car are just out to get laid and run (just like not all guys with nice cars have little dicks, no matter what their jealous peers may think).

The entire article plays off of stereotypes that our culture reinforces that are ultimately harmful and insulting to both men and women. Men who fall into these stereotypes may end up being overlooked by women because of articles like this and the article in general is insulting to the varieties of people we encounter. If you strip a guy of his charm, his money, his personality, his clothes and his confidence, what do you have left? (A homeless schizo?)

Some women are going to be compatible with a guy who works a lot, some are also going to be adventurous, want a nice guy (a real nice guy), and to ride in a nice car. There's no reason to emasculate guys just because they have a general trait that makes it easy to trap them into some silly stereotype. Categorizing them like this is just as bad as when people categorize women based on beauty, style of dress and affinity for learning.