The Sex Tech

The rows and columns of books spanned out and up around me, encasing me in my very own fortress of knowledge. The world I normally inhabit could easily have vanished within this new domain as I took deep breaths, taking in the scent of aging paper and examining each spine like its own clue into worlds I might easily enter simply by examining it further. But in a place like this, one must be choosy because there are far more worlds there than my lifetime could give me the opportunity to explore. So I wandered on through the maze of knowledge, searching for ... something. Then, I found it.

Absorbed in his own world on paper, he was sitting relaxed and sprawled out on a couch that rested between two large blocks of bookshelves. His head was tipped to one side and I could see his eyes moving across the pages behind his glasses. His eyelashes were long and pretty and his lips looked soft as he partially mouthed what he was reading, though no sound came from them. He wore a nice green silk shirt and matching tie with a thick comfortable looking sweater-jacket and a pair of slacks. Not all of his person was well-kept, though, as there was a shadow of beard under his chin that ran up his cheeks as if he hadn't gotten the chance to shave that day. That last detail, as I noticed it, was more alluring than many aspects of the scene I was gazing on, but I didn't care. He was sexy.

Hoping he would notice me, I pulled my shoulders back and walked closer, trying to see what it was he was reading, but failing at doing this and instead letting my eyes wander over him even more. Suddenly noticing I was awkwardly standing and gazing at him, he looked up and I was surprised, in that moment, at the same sudden realization. How long had I been standing there and blatantly staring at him? His eyes were even more amazing once I could see into them, though, and he smiled a little nervously. We were alone in this part of the library and his smile pulled at my most basic drives. I quickly lost interest in trying to find out what book he had, that would simply have to remain a mystery, as I sat down right next to him and asked for his name. Sensing that he was uncertain as to how he should answer, I took the book from him and placed it on a nearby table, then gazed into his eyes. "May I just kiss you, please?" I asked. He looked over my face and body as if he had only just now discovered it and he silently leaned toward me, reaching his arms around my back and pulling me closer. I closed my eyes and suddenly felt the need to be as close to him as possible. I lifted myself up and slid a leg over his lap as I turned to perch myself there, straddling his lap, while I kissed him. His lips were sweet and I could feel his body respond to me already, his breath getting faster, his hands moving over my back and his hips rocking up slightly, as if he wanted to thrust but was uncertain.. His lips responded to mine gracefully and tenderly as I helped pull his sweater off of his shoulders. I could tell by now that he was willing to - wanted to do - whatever I told him to right then. His hands began to explore me as we continued to kiss and I pressed my pelvis hard against his, investigating more directly just what kind of effect I was having on him, pleased with what I discovered ...

Fantasies play a tremendous role in human sexuality that is often overlooked and ignored in the academic sense (the smart people sometimes forget they're not above the science of boinking in your brain only). We hear about all kinds of things that people do, including dressing in clothes that don't fit our normal social roles, asking partners to pretend to be someone or something else and even tolerating behaviors in a sexual context that we wouldn't tolerate in a normal relationship context outside of the sexual moment or even from other people. Things that are considered forbidden in the real world may enter our sexual lives or we may even have fantasies where we live out very normal and average sexual behaviors (we sometimes do really weird shit). In all of this, though, the world of fantasy is often considered necessarily kept in fantasy and so it becomes a source of confusion for people who have fantasies they truly want to become a reality or when they have a fantasy that runs against what people claim is 'normal.'

The story above is a basic idea of one of my own fantasies and the detail that goes on in the fantasy when it is in my head is far greater than even what I could possibly articulately express on this page (and if I tried, I'd bore some of you who are expecting monkey pit-scratching and thong tossing in the first paragraph of my erotica). This fantasy is also prone to evolving, changing and playing out in many different ways: Sometimes I discover a girl, sometimes I leave with the person, sometimes we find a room to hide in, sometimes the person I'm imagining and I don't say anything and just take our clothes off instantly, sometimes the process into sex is very slow, sometimes the sex doesn't even happen and I just manage a little kiss and sometimes I bypass imagining all the books and it is just a fantasy about two people having sex on a couch, no clothing ever involved, with the knowledge, somewhere in the background of the experience, that there's a library around us.

Naturally, a fantasy like this is pretty unlikely to play out exactly as it has and does in my head. Most libraries aren't too keen on people simply ignoring the books and just fucking on a random couch. It certainly isn't a regularly documented human behavior. All rational parts of my brain, in fact, tell me that this is probably a big no-no-not-gonna-happen kind of thing because I just plain am not interested in getting arrested. However, if someone wanted to find a way to act this out safely (and I had the hots for them)? Hell yes I'm game, sweet cheeks! And there really isn't any harm in pretending.

So what is the controversy over fantasy? Well, the controversy is all about people having a tough time differentiating between something desired in the non-reality and something desired in reality. Thus, when we have fantasies that are more extreme than the one we have above, people begin to object. Men and women may get upset when they discover a person they care about has fantasized about individuals outside of the relationship, that whatever is going on in the bedroom may not be what is going on in their partner's head and even that one may want the other to dress a little differently one night or pretend they happens to be someone else. While even pretending to be someone else is not really making a fantasy real, the experience can make a couple have difficulty dealing with their own fantasies and those of their partners in situations where one or both has been taught that their sexuality is somehow exclusive to particular acts and people. This tendency can often lead to people misunderstanding why they even have their fantasies and then when they have them or decide to act them out, they refer to their actions as being 'naughty', no matter how normal and natural their behavior might be. A person who has discovered a partner has had sexual fantasies may then end up feeling inadequate, unwanted and even resentful.

Fantasies are actually quite useful. it is because I can't rationally go out and fuck a random guy at a library that I enjoy the fantasy in my head and even masturbate to it. I can get at least some of the satisfaction from the story and context (which is actually something many women find important) even if it never becomes a reality. Also, fantasies can be a way for us to actually practise what things we otherwise would not be able to before they happen. Using fantasy to plan ahead for an encounter or to decide on what the possibilities are that might occur in an encounter is completely normal and may help us make better social decisions.