The world is despite its shortcomings a wondrous place and humans are by far the most interesting species on its surface. Every week we’ll sneak a peek into current events that made the weird side of the newspapers.
This week we learn about the dangers of going to a heavy metal concert, that Russians will do whatever it takes to stop people from swearing, and that they have the least competent police force on the planet, then we get to find out what Americans should do to not kill themselves with fireworks, and how you too can have a fun-filled last goodbye to family and friends.
WEEKLY REVIEW
Headbanging kills!
A 50-year-old man in Germany suffered blood clots in his brain after headbanging at a Motorhead concert in December 2012. The news was only recently published as part of a study linking injuries to the brain and headbanging.
According to doctors, rapid head movements can lead to a carotid artery dissection, whiplash, mediastinal emphysema, and odontoid neck fracture. However, the man in Germany is the first to have had blood clot due to headbanging.
Russian Censorship
When Russian politicians aren’t busy with thinking of ways to expand their territory through military force, or switching off energy supplies to neighboring nations, they are apparently coming up with ways to fuck with their own population.
A brand new piece of legislation bans the use of profanity in books, theatre performances, film and other forms of art as well as blogs and non-state media. To monitor online cursing, Russian officials will implement a “swear-bot” capable of catching hundreds of thousands of curse words and phrases, including more than a thousand words deriving from the word penis.
Tourist Police!
Staying in Russia: The newly introduced “Tourist Police” has proved that they are well incompetent when it comes to dealing with foreign visitors, despite a basic English language course and communications training.
Moscow Times approached several officers stationed at popular sites in the Russian capital and asked for directions to other places a normal tourist might want to visit. Apparently only one in eight officers could give any help at all, and one officer was asked if Moscow has a “Tourist Police” police force, to which the said department member answered: “Not yet.”
Fizzle…
The U.S. celebrated Independence Day last week and we never saw Bill Pullman climb into a fighter plane to fend off alien invaders, but one thing we sure saw when the night closed in was fireworks. Several states have already banned this form of decorating the sky, but it doesn’t stop people from crossing over to Mexico where you can essentially buy rockets big enough to launch a space shuttle.
So what better way to warn the American public than posting a video featuring creepy dolls to inform the public of how to not die when setting off fireworks? Well, there are other things to blow up, like melons and mannequins to prove a point.
Dead Cool…
“Weekend at Bernie’s” provided us with plenty of laugh-out-loud moments in 1989 when two employees did their best to convince people that their boss was still alive and well, when he was anything but. Now it’s possible to have your very own funeral in accordance with the late 80’s comedy if you happen to die in New Orleans.
There’s your chance to be propped up by loved ones in various festive settings and have your farewell party photographed for the world to see what a blast you had before going six feet under. Who said it’s not ok to have fun before ending up in your final resting place?
