While studies show that most women have faked or exaggerated an orgasm at least once in their sex life, they aren’t the only ones. Obviously you can’t fake an erection, but as long as they’re hard, the way men fake it is not so dissimilar from the way women do.

Acting methods may include moaning, groaning, grunting, panting, gasping, fucking harder and faster, then stopping and feigning relief. You might do it to please your partner one night when you’re not feeling especially randy. If you’re tired, it may be a way to signal that sex is over and that, if you’re a hetero woman, it’s time for your man to come.  Maybe you have trouble having an orgasm, or it takes you longer, leaving you feeling frustrated, impatient, or worse – insecure.

There’s nothing inherently wrong with pretending the Big O is happening when it isn’t. But sometimes a plan to please, perform, or ease the pressure of common expectations can backfire. Is acting as-if really worth it?

Playing the part can be risky in a couple of ways. What if they can tell I’m faking? If your performance isn’t Oscar-worthy, your partner may feel that they’ve failed you or that they’re inadequate and need to try harder to turn you on. If they sense you’re not being real, they may start to wonder if you always fake it. On the other hand, maybe you’re really good at it; maybe you nail it (as it were) every time. But there’s no dress rehearsal; it doesn’t help you make it real. You can’t apply the old “fake it ’til you make it” adage to this one. Ultimately, it will end in disappointment for somebody.

So while there may be a time and a place for method acting on occasion, communication is always your best bet. As often as you can, resist your Meg Ryan impression in favor of just being real. As psychologist Suzanne Lachmann tells Psychology Today, “At the end of the day, nobody wins if you fake it.”