So I’m going to let you in on a little secret: sexual energy is one of the most powerful forces in the universe. Without sex, there would be no us. No screen you’re reading this off. No world outside your door. It’s the ultimate act of creation, the driving force that motivates us all on a conscious and subconscious level, however hard we try to deny or repress it.

Pure sexual energy is explosive and often unstable. It can transport us to sublime states of bliss and delight, or by the same token cast us into the darkest pits of anguish, terror, and depravity. It’s evident that the volatile and wild nature of sexual energy has caused dominant religious traditions in our society to view sex as an impediment to spiritual development. To a large degree these belief systems of sexual misinformation continue to affect the popular imagination, and influence each one of us on a profoundly subconscious level. What’s more, it’s no secret that sexual experience can prompt confusion, heartache, and pain as much as it can promote feelings of love, empowerment and self-expression.

Some of the greatest thinkers and rebels of our time have been sexual pioneers; from Cleopatra to the Marquis de Sade, powerful figures throughout history have known the power of sex in advancing their own spiritual and personal development. If we look around at our world today, some of the most financially powerful and socially influential figures in our culture use sex as their weapon. From the Hollywood Hills to the New York stock exchange, the big players in our society know that sex not only sells, it can move mountains.

The Problem with Sex

Arguably one of the biggest tensions in the universe is the polarity between male and female energy. One can’t exist without the other, but many of us spend our whole lives mystified by these differences, suffering painfully from the effects of miscommunication, misunderstanding and you know, being from Mars and Venus or whatever. Even if we aren’t from different planets, we do have different behavioural patterns and values, and the infamous gap between the sexes can sometimes seem irreconcilable.

So let’s talk yin and yang. If we explore this tension between the sexes further, we can do it like this. Stereotypically, male sexual energy flares up and is exhausted quickly, like a flame, whilst female sexual energy boils consistently, slowly and remains hot for a long time, like a pot of boiling water. It’s a common assumption than men reach their sexual peak at 18 and women do at 35. Female energy is scattered, creative and nurturing, whereas male energy is direct, focused and quickly exhausted.

On a practical level, these different tempos and energies can be a source of shame for men who climax too fast, and a point of frustration for women who need more time and attention to climax, and more importantly, the right kind of attention to climax at all.

This physical problem is then compounded by one notorious universal truth: when male sexual energy is activated, men often become emotionally unavailable. On the other hand, the female perception of sexual experience is often laden with a ‘sentimentalism’ or deeper feeling that men can find it hard to relate to.

I often hear female friends talking about feeling vulnerable when they go into sexual encounters; vulnerable to jumping ahead into the future and projecting a dream or a vision of a partner more perfect and more doting than they are in the reality, and messing things up in the process. And in the other ear, I often hear my male friends speak wearily of girls getting too attached too quickly; which we all know is a 100% failsafe man-repelling behaviour.

But beyond these superficial divisions of male and female, genital opposites and emotional confusion, what if there were a deeper force we could tap into when experiencing sex with another person, a more universal, cosmic energy that transcends the idea of male and female?

Enter the Dragon

Do you know what Kundalini energy is? Boom, even the word sounds powerful! If you flirt with spirituality or dabble in the arts of Eastern mysticism, you’ll be familiar with the term. Kundalini energy is basically the potential form of life force lying dormant in our bodies. In Ancient Eastern mystic texts, it is depicted as a coiled up serpent lying at the base of your spine, which can spring awake when activated by spiritual practice.

Kundalini energy is strongly linked with sexual desire and the raw creative power we have lying dormant within all of us. Think of it as a fire that most people will never learn how to light, or even know is there.

Spiritual practices like Yoga and meditation can focus on the raising of the kundalini from the root chakra (at the base of the spine) to the crown chakra (just above the head), and this awakens a transformative energy that many mystic traditions believe can be translated into personal power, dynamism and to manifest positive influence over your life.

The spirituality website Absolute Empowerment describes how ‘Kundalini has the capacity to ‘wash’ away our deepest tensions, eliminate our misunderstandings about our true nature, and to expand the flow of creative energy and consciousness within us. This energy is also seen as sexual energy and awakens the primordial female. When this is released, there is a direct transmission of spiritual power, which gives spiritual freedom. It is linked to the descent of GRACE (love).’ Fiery food for thought, eh?

Sex and Magic

Let’s take this idea of sex and spirituality to a mystical level. If you do your research, you’ll learn that many secret societies, cults and religious groups throughout history have known the power of integrating spirituality and sex in ritual and magical practice. Many different cultures believe that harnessing the power of raw sexual energy can be used to manifest and influence events in the material world, rather than just wasted in orgasm. Now we’re getting more into the zone of Tantra, but that’s a whole other article. Pace yourself, ok?

The term Sexual magic refers to an ancient science known and practiced by spiritually advanced people in different cultures throughout history, whose purpose and goal has been to harness and perfect our own sexual forces. In ancient times, people who took part in these rituals knew the power of merging spiritual practice and sexual activity. Again we come back to the yin/yang analogy; these mystics learnt to use sex as a way of addressing the imbalance between the genders rather than exaggerating it.

So as you would expect, sex magic also has a dark side. A certain Aleister Crowley is an interesting man to read about if you find the darks arts in any way titillating. He advocated a whole host of degenerate practices that have prompted some people to call him ‘THE MOST EVIL MAN IN THE WORLD!’ Sorry, I felt like that had to be in caps for effect.

Talking tactics

My point is that sex and magic are linked, and sex can be magical if you know how to master your own energy and your partner’s. Now. Let’s get real.

At the heart of many ancient texts, including the Tao of Sex, is the notion that woman is both energetically and sexually superior to man. YES. Superior. Thousands of years of patriarchal rule aside, the ancients knew what was up: girls were always meant to be on top.

So back to the energy stuff, woman is considered to be the repository of inexhaustible ‘yin’, while man is caught up in his all-too-quickly exhaustible ‘yang’. We can also apply this principle to other aspects of life: for example it means women are more often capable of sustained efforts and are more conscious of long-term goals and effects than men are. Again, this is something that can cause tension within relationships in and outside of the bedroom.

Since a very, very long time ago, enlightened men believed that something called ‘Qigong’ can help a man harness his sexual energy. When male sexual energy is aroused, it intensifies locally around the genitals and quickly flows out of the body. That is the natural pattern of male sexual energy, nature’s intention. But men can learn to reverse that flow and direct their sexual essence upward, toward the Middle ‘Dantian’ or energy centre at the heart level, thus using the power of the mind as well as the power of the penis.

By mastering this deft little mental maneuver, a man accomplishes two goals. First, he diminishes the urge to ejaculate, and second, as his sexual energy rises to his heart, feelings of passion blend with feelings of love and tenderness. A man who masters this skill is therefore able to prolong intercourse indefinitely (maybe) and deepen his emotional connection during lovemaking. In essence, it’s a bridging of the gap between the sexes, energetically speaking at least.

On the other hand, when female sexual energy is aroused, it naturally flows inward and upward from the genitals toward the heart. Stimulation of areas around the heart chakra like the breasts further activates the woman’s Middle ‘Dantian’ and reinforces an emotional response in her mind. Unlike men, women don’t need to practice Qigong or anything else to integrate their sexual vitality with their love. These qualities mingle naturally, and in this respect, female sexuality is inherently more integrated. Amen to that.

If you’re ready for level 2 enlightenment business, then hear this. As you’re both in the heart zone, sexual vitality can then be further directed upward from the heart to the top of the head, where the energy then becomes infused with a feeling of divinity, and that blissed out feeling we usually associate with a fleeting moment of release; orgasm. From this higher place, sexual vitality can be circulated through the Central Meridian into the cosmos, where it’s experienced as ecstasy; a feeling that you keep and grow within you long after the climax has gone.

Basically what I’m saying is that through simple spiritual practice both women and men can learn to integrate their sexual energy to even higher levels. This facilitates understanding between the sexes, intensifies pleasure for both partners, and transforms sex from a soulless but necessary act into a tangible experience which can positively affect the rest of your life, and the world around you.

Take the power back

If we ever hope to secure long-lasting happiness in our sexual relationships, whether that’s with ourselves, with a monogamous partner, or with multiple lovers; we must first heal our socially conditioned distortions about sexuality. It’s a lot of work to erase the invisible line we draw with our minds around our baselines; a socially constructed line that says the mind is good and anything below the waist is bad. The fact is this: it’s all human. It’s all sacred. It’s all an opportunity to grow and evolve.

So let’s sum up. On the one hand, we have a powerful creative force that can bring you unknown pleasures and is potentially the gateway to enlightenment. Yay! And on the other hand we have centuries of patriarchal influence from social and religious conditioning that tell us sex is evil, we should only do it if we are married or straight or look a certain way, we should only have sex in a certain way, and if we do indulge and transgress, we are BAD. Could there be a connection here? I’ll leave that to you, dear reader, I know you got this.

There’s a great quote from a guy called Samael Aun Weor that sums up what I’m saying nicely, and I’m a big believer in ending things on a high.

“All of us possess some electrical and magnetic forces within, and, just like a magnet, we exert a force of attraction and repulsion… Between lovers that magnetic force is particularly powerful and its action has a far-reaching effect.”