As a guy, it’s still shocking to me how many women have insecurities about the look of their vaginas. To me they’ve always been a source of limitless pleasure, and each aesthetically different vulva I’ve ever seen just brings a personality with it; the uniqueness is part of its charm. In my experience, there’s never been such a thing as a deal-breaking pussy; I’m just happy to be in their presence, really. But, you know, people tend to compare and judge. “Grass is always greener.” Or… labia is always rosier. I don’t know.

The Italian company Lowe has released the Aurora, a peach-colored soft laser-based sex toy that is supposed to slow down the natural aging process and help women keep a colorful, rejuvenated labia. The soft laser is said to improve intra-vaginal capillary circulation, allowing adequate lubrication. It also promotes vasodilatation and tissue regeneration, helping it produce collagen I.

Additionally, if you ever had a fascination for both, dildos and a surprisingly girly-girl take on lightsabers, this may be the closest thing you’ll ever find in the market.

“From about the age of twenty, genital organ (sic) begins slow changing process,” Lowe points out on its website. “Due to the reduction of elasticity and hydration of the tissues labia can lose its turgidity. The rosy color becomes less intense, lubrication is reduced and the sexual organ becomes less efficient. When you approach the menopause the lining of the vagina begins [getting] thinner and the blood flow decreases more.”

According to their Q&A, the greatest thing about Aurora is that it makes it possible to do two different types of treatments on female sexual organs: stimulating and aesthetic. They claim that, “through the stimulation of the clitoral area [Aurora] enables [the user] to reach orgasm more easily and to extend and amplify the pleasure, including improving lubrication, and the functionality of the sexual organ.”

So… clit stimulation could lead to lubrication and perhaps orgasm. Groundbreaking stuff, Lowe! Nobody in history thought of that shit before. To think women were just walking around with their unexplored clitorises for thousands of years with no clue they could stimulate them for sexual pleasure. Thankfully, you guys were here to save the day — and take the well-deserved credit, of course.

Sarcasm for the obvious aside, and especially considering the Aurora doesn’t vibrate, it’s the aesthetic treatment that will attract possible customers.

“Thanks to the aesthetic treatment it will allow you to forget the passing of the years, rejuvenating the sexual organ and increasing lubrication,” they assure. “Aurora will not show benefits only on the beauty of body but it will ensure better functionality to the vagina.”

The effects of the laser being a bit psychological did cross my mind. After all, we’re all susceptible to cool looking shiny stuff (“it’s got a fucking laser, man!”). But according to clinical studies they’ve made, where 18 women used the Aurora laser and six others used a placebo through 16 sessions over two months, 66.7% of the participants using the Aurora achieved a significant improvement in the quality of their orgasms, while the exact two-thirds of the placebo group didn’t report any enhancement. Granted, the sample is ridiculously small, but I guess it’s something.

If you find it intimidating to have a laser beam parading around your body and accidentally hitting your eye, effectively blinding you in an experiment that will be very uncomfortable to explain to people… don’t worry! Lowe points out that their Laser Safety Eyes (LSE) patented technology means that the Aurora can be used without any risk to the eyes. When moved further than 3 centimeters (a little over an inch) away from the treatment surface, the light source automatically turns off, and the sensor stops the treatment.

The recommended length of each treatment is either 10 minutes (stimulating treatment) or 15 minutes (aesthetic treatments), but they can be used as long as desired, as there are no negative effects for prolonged use. Lightsaber away.

Now, is this actually worth the $850 retail price? That’s the big debate. To a bystander who lacks female organs like me, this sounds a lot like they’re using women’s insecurities about their vagina to rationalize an overpriced toy. On that same note, I’m not sure how making women self-conscious about the aesthetics and functionality of their vagina is going to be conducive to orgasm. Is the blind desire to have their privates look “more youthful” a strong enough fantasy to bypass the self-disapproving pressure of judging the looks of their vulvas?

See, I don’t have a vagina, but I’ve been an avid vaginal enthusiast for many years now. I’ve never seen one that makes me think, “Whoa, you gotta do something about this embarrassing elasticity and hydration, girl! And that labia ain’t turgid enough! Ew.”

The Aurora, with its sober and “feminine” adult-contemporary looks, seems to be aimed at a demographic that wouldn’t usually buy sex toys, and while pleasure is suggested in their pitch, the whole “treatment” idea takes all the attention.

A little vibration and enhanced G-spot action — maybe a two-pronged option? — are obvious upgrades that would make the Aurora significantly more practical as a sex toy. If lubrication is the goal, there are toys that will prove way more effective, for a lot less money. However, if you think the laser thing is really cool and would like to give it an honest try, you can order the Aurora directly on Lowe’s website.