For every idea like the wheel or the telephone, there’s another not so practical, safe, helpful or smart. This list provides 10 baffling examples that sometimes the creative process could have taken a day off for humanity’s sake.
I know, some exhausted parents might feel at times this isn’t that bad of an idea, but chances are they’ll come to their senses after a while. It was designed in 1922, and I imagine it was mostly for single mothers who couldn’t watch their child and weren’t all that bothered by trapping their restless soft-skulled babies in steel bars.
Anti-Eating Face Mask
Who needs will power when you can torture yourself on a forced diet while also looking like Hannibal Lecter?
High Five Simulator
Even at your loneliest, I don’t see how this wouldn’t make you sadder. Whenever your team is winning and none of your married friends are available to watch the game with you, don’t panic! This apparatus will keep you company in your celebratory moments.
The single reason that drove me to explore other word processors. Clippy managed to interrupt and annoy while also not helping any Microsoft Word user.
The Parachute Jacket
Franz Reichelt, an obviously hubristic German inventor, tested his Parachute Jacket by jumping off the Eiffel Tower, back in 1912. He managed to set several cameras, so there’s actual footage of the whole thing; although he probably was expecting a different outcome. On the plus side, he gave a lot of Parisian onlookers a fascinating –albeit traumatic– story they could tell for years
Hair in a Can
A less time-consuming alternative to comb-overs that looks almost as realistic and will get rid of that useless dignity for you. With a quick spray, you can add color to your bald spots and guarantee all your friends won’t look at you in the eye anymore. You might also find yourself spending a lot more money on pillowcases.
Designed for kids who’d want all the worries, responsibilities and work of having a pet, without all that distracting fun part. Through different combinations of three buttons, Tamagochis could be fed, changed and entertained; requiring as much care as any living animal. A surefire way to raise loving, well-adjusted children.
Snuggie for Dogs
While the Snuggie is one of the coolest inventions ever, dogs don’t use remote controls, nor eat and drink proficiently with their hands. I get how some people might think this is “cute,” but “creepy” might be a more accurate adjective.
Electric Facial Mask
A cheap late-night infomercial product that sends electric impulses to a mask that covers your face with the purpose of rejuvenating it. What could go wrong? Sure, you’ll look like a serial killer when it’s on, but in the event it doesn’t destroy your face, this could get you out of a pickle on a Halloween night when you didn’t have time to find a costume.
In 2009, Japan’s Electric Express Railway subjected their employees to a software that analyzed facial expressions that rated their smiles on a scale of 0 to 100, and gave them an image of the “ideal smile” they should keep at all times. Clearly, this was the right way to guarantee workers’ morale in a pressure-free environment that could never lead to insecure dissatisfaction.