A lady on the street. A whore in bed. When you don’t see me, my dear lovers, I love being porky. It’s kitchen porn. My other satisfaction. I eat jam from a big-ass spoon right out of the jar, lick the inside of the empty crisps bag, and what I love most, stuffing my mouth with chocolate cake with my hands.

Sometimes it’s estrogen or it might be hormones. Anyhow, all I know is the day I got my period my bitch chromosome activated and I have been secretly hating men ever since. Honestly, I’m mad at men all the time for whatever reason really.


Maybe not so much in movies. Walt Disney has managed to bring out the wildest sexual fantasies that were hidden inside my Neverland. Where I’m the star. When I’m pretending to be Snow White. Princess Snow White. Saved by her prince. And living with him in an enchanted castle happily ever after. A naughty Snow White. Seven dwarfs. Orgies that blow my mind and leave it blank. All my erotic zones discovered, explored and filled with constant excitement. Two different endings. Two happy endings.

Porn movies. Soft core porn. Happy stories with happy orgasms. It’s late at night. I’m craving  pizza and sex. I look at the Yellow pages. So many choices. I find a perfect ad: “We deliver with a smile”. And what a smile it was. My nipples smiled back. I turned around to get my wallet. A moment in time. Goose bumps all over my body. My pizza delivery guy, so sexy. I was undressing him with my eyes. He started ripping clothes off me. We had wild, passionate sex in all the rooms in the house. And we finished the pizza together.

The very next day I woke up alone. It was kitchen porn all over again. And I could feel my body craving again. I wanted more. More stories. More movies. More soft core porn. And some company. My girlfriend came over with some DVDs. The plumber and the housewife. I just couldn’t wait to see it. She opened the door in her discrete nighty. He was holding his tools with his strong, muscular arms. She invited him in made him some coffee but it didn’t stop with that. Flirting and compliments. Laughing. Touching each other. Grabbing each other. Kissing, licking, sucking, fucking.  All over the kitchen floor. The sink. The table. The chairs.

I love happy endings.

Never-ending orgasms.

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