Findom, or financial domination, has been around for years. Traditionally it may involve a Domme having complete control over the finances of her slave, organising a budget and deciding how much he is allowed to spend on himself. Alternatively it may be an online Domme/sub relationship where he must pay to speak to her, shop for her, and pay fines if he fails tasks. Findom means different things to different folks. In recent years, however, findom has become much more prevalent with the growth of online sites, with an explosion of women calling themselves findommes. These are often called Instadommes, because they see it as money for nothing. They think that all they have to do is pout, show their tits, and slaves will trip over themselves in the eager rush to throw dollars at the ‘domme’. I call them Finducks, because their profile pics usually show them pouting at their bathroom mirror and flipping the bird.
The would-be finduck should take a photo like this:
Yes, c’est moi. Get that pout.
But I digress. Findom is something of a hot topic among lifestyle BDSM practitioners, and many dislike the practice as they feel it cheapens the lifestyle. Indeed, it seems impossible to have an honest debate about findom on BDSM forums because of the frequently hostile reaction.
But is findom just about pocketing cash? Is it all take and no give? I spoke to Mistress K, a dancer and findomme in Arkansas, about her journey through findom…
Kitty DeVine – So tell us a bit about yourself.
Mistress K – I’m a Southern belle, born and raised in the South. I moved to Memphis when I was 18.
How did you get into findom?
I got into findom through dancing. I had a few customers in the club where I worked who were into the fetish. So I did further research and found I loved the idea. I realized it was more than just “fuck you, pay me”, which made me love it more because I love a challenge. And I’m still going strong! Over time I have attempted to perfect what I do.
How did you discover the findom scene?
I discovered the scene by reading forums, articles, and going on different alternative sites.
Are you open about being a financial domme?
I am open about it to a certain extent. I don’t hide what I do but I don’t wear a T shirt that advertises it (smiles).
How long have you been involved in the findom scene?
I would say I’ve been into fin domming since I was 19. I’m 34 now.
How has it changed during that time?
It has changed in some ways, depending on how others do their own domming. Fin domming has changed in that I feel there are fewer dommes who actually assume total responsibility for the slave’s finances. Instead there are more of the “fuck you pay me” variety of dommes
Do you think a findomme has any responsibility towards her subs?
I definitely think a Domme has responsibility towards her subs. She has to carefully plan their finances and their spending. On top of that there IS a relationship there.
Where do you find your fin subs? Or do they come looking for you?
I might find subs at the club when I work or perhaps online. They usually find me.
Why do you think findom is so controversial within BDSM?
I think it’s a hot topic because everyone has an opinion. Some complaints come from hurt or pissy subs who wanted a certain Domme and either couldn’t afford her, or she wouldn’t give them the time of day without tribute [payment to a Domme].
Findom carries a certain level of controversy among BDSM practitioners, with some considering it a dishonest practice that sullies the scene. I have to wonder, why do people who would happily flog a sub until he bleeds make such a fuss about a sub handing over his money? It doesn’t affect them personally.
I think people tend to forget the whole “my kink is ok and yours isn’t” thing. I think that’s very important in this ALTERNATIVE LIFESTYLE. Not judging others’ kink is kinda what should be happening. So someone may object to others handing over money because perhaps they themselves can’t afford it? Or perhaps they were seeing the Domme of their dreams but they ran out of money and so lost her attention? Who can tell…
Do you think that the Instadommes have damaged the findom scene?
I don’t think instadommes have changed the scene. There have always been those types, I think they are just getting smarter about it. To genuine dommes, however, they don’t look like they know what is going on. They don’t really know anything about domination.
What is in it for the financial submissive?
Plenty. He may enjoy a relationship, money management, control, the opportunity to please a Domme/woman who might otherwise never think twice about him. Everyone gets something out of it.
What’s the biggest amount you’ve ever taken off a sub in one go?
Largest amount I’ve ever gotten… well let’s just say I have been blessed with my skill. I don’t like to give amounts out.
Have you ever turned money down?
Of course I have turned money down, and will do it in a heartbeat.
What’s your answer to people who think findom is immoral?
I don’t know, I’ve never really cared what others think, but if I had to think about it, I would say: Everyone has an opinion.
How do you see findom fitting into the BDSM scene? There seems to be a lot of hostility from certain quarters…
Findom fits into BDSM the same way flogging or needles or bondage does. It’s a kink just like anything else.
Have you ever developed a genuine fondness for any of your subs, or is it all about the money?
Of course I have a fondness for My subs [NB Some dominants/submissives like to capitalise all personal pronouns referring to the dominant in order to show their superior status]. They are property that belongs to Me. The bottom line is money, that’s the whole point. Without money, the kink wouldn’t exist. And I’m not interested in subs who won’t pay. No money, no Me.
Money has strong connotations. What do you think it means within a D/s relationship? Is it any different to the world as a whole? Have we just forgotten how powerful money is?
Money in a Ds relationship … I’m not sure, other than with the kink of findom itself, that it would be an issue within Ds. In the world (D’s or otherwise) money plays a very powerful part.
Ain’t that the truth… I wonder if the real reason some lifestylers get so incensed by findom is that they don’t like being reminded of the hold money has over us and our lives… politicians, big business and the banks. We’re all being exploited one way or another. Thank you for your answers, K.