First Tinder Date with The Hungarian

It’s no secret that I dont love online dating nor do I know anyone who does. Yet, everyone has a Tinder account. Ever run into your ex on Tinder? That’s real fun. I, too, am on Tinder because you gotta play the game, right? I’m not necessarily looking for just a hookup, but I’m not not looking for one. So that means that I can be somewhat flexible with my left swipes, while still keeping an eye on the prize. The prize being, in the most optimistic view of things, a “real” relationship. I just left a very real but very wrong relationship recently and I don’t want to waste any more time. So, newly back on the Tinder, I had my first online date in over a year.

From his photos, he looked like your typical Brooklyn hipster except that he lived in Queens. I don’t know which is worse, to be honest. I never go to Queens. Most people I know don’t go to Queens. Can I date a guy who lives in Queens? Honestly, I’m not so sure. He sported a hint of a pompadour and learned to shave at The Brandon Flowers School of Manscaping.

He texted me he was late just as I was nearing the end of my first Manhattan. At the same time, my Semi-Platonic Guy Friend texted me from a nearby bar. I do believe that how my Tinder date went can best be described primarily through my texts with my friend.


Semi-Platonic Guy Friend: What are you doing?

Me: Waiting for a date to show up

SPGF: Come meet me

Me: He’s not even here yet

SPGF: ….

Me: Ok, lemme see what he’s like then I’ll come over and give you a handy

SPGF: Haha

SPGF: Srsly?

Me: Kidding. No handy. Just finger blasting.

Me: He’s here

SPGF: Godammit

My Tinder date looked Eastern European, and, sure enough, when he walked in the bar and introduced himself, he had a thick Hungarian accent. His English was perfect, but the accent took some getting used to.


SPGF: If you wanna come over and bring a bottle of Bourbon lemme know

Me: Ha

SPGF: I’m serious

Me: I know.

SPGF: How’s the date?

Me: He’s wearing shorts

SPGF: Let’s listen to LPs and get wasted

Me: Ok

SPGF: !!!!


SPGF: What’s happening now? I’m going to another bar

Me: Ugh

SPGF: Come

Me: I’m having one more round with this guy

SPGF: Is he hot? If not I’ll send a taxi for you

Me: Cute. No sexual chemistry

Me: You probably don’t wanna hang out with me anyway

SPGF: Oh I do

Me: I didn’t shave my legs cuz I knew I wasn’t gonna like this guy

SPGF: Haha

Me: Omg did you just say if he’s not hot you’ll send me a taxi?

SPGF: Haha

SPGF: If you meet me I am going to make moves FYI

My date talked a lot. I was at the end of my third drink before he was halfway through his first. Why do I always unwittingly end up meeting overwhelmingly loquacious men?


Me: He talks so much!

SPGF: Are you still there??

Me: Just said goodbye. Walking home.

SPGF: Did you make out?

Me: No. Double kiss. European

SPGF: Second date?

Me: Yeah, maybe. Why not? I’d probably fuck him

SPGF: Cool. I’m awake. I am sending you a taxi now.

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