Henry Deltoid’s Beer Review: Firestone Walker Pivo Pils

Firestone Walker “Pivo Pils” (German style pilsner) is now putting the punctuation on my five-part pilsner series. Pivo Pils is the best in the series, but not by much. While I am in a Mormon-style marriage with IPAs, stouts, porters and Belgians, the pilsner is rapidly becoming my gumar. The drinkability, smooth texture, light body and strong flavors are a nice departure from the heavy shit which I typically find myself imbibing. I’ve dabbled countless times in simple lagers (and even light session ales) and always have tended to go back to the hard hitting imperials. But now I’m starting to feel handicapped without having a juicy pilsner within the confines of my dilapidated, outdated shoe-box sized apartment.

Pilsner Fun Facts for Review #5: There are about 10 varieties of hops used to make both Czech and German style pilsners, but the most notable breed is commonly referred to as “Saaz”, and it is harvested most famously in Žatec (which is actually the Bohemian translation of “Saaz”), in the northwestern area of the Czech Republic. Žatec has been famous for producing Saaz hops for approximately 700 years. With a spicy, floral taste and a gentle bitterness, Saaz hops are most often found in the Czech style pilsners. I cannot confirm but I believe the Victory Prima Pils – a German style Pilsner – uses Saaz hops in addition to German hops. Saaz hops are categorized as “noble” hops, meaning their bitterness is light and their aroma is heavy.

FYI: Pivo Pils, as a German style pilsner, does not contain any Saaz hops. But what it does contain is just fucking excellent: a beautiful head, and a bouquet of interesting flavor profiles that intertwine gracefully with each other. The liquid is bright gold and crystal clear. Its aroma is quite skunky and sulfuric with grains and citrus. The head is by far the thickest of all the pilsners I have reviewed in this series. The head is bright white, very thick, bouncy, and remains a soft, foamy effervescence deeply into the session. Up front the flavors consist of malt, crackers, and sweet lemon. It finishes with sweet grains, rice, noodles, and sugary lemon and a grassy bitterness. I was quite surprised at the flavor profiles after inhaling the aroma because the two simply did not match up at all (this is not a bad thing by any means). Its aftertaste is soft and velvety but with a pronounced, grassy, bitterness. The sweet and citrusy flavor from the drink still lingers and does not overstay its welcome. Just like the Laginutas Pils it leaves quite a few sudsy, foamy blasts around the glass.

Henry Deltoid’s Beer Review: Firestone Walker Pivo Pils

The texture contains plenty of CO2 and is great, but it’s not as outrageously orgasmic like the Victory Prima Pils. But pointing that out is like titty fucking Salma Hayek and saying, “Not quite as nice as titty-fucking Lucy Pinder.” Holy shit! Imagine if you are the person who titty-fucks them both? Jesus Christ! I wouldn’t be able to go a day without bragging about that to people. “Mom! Great to see you this Christmas! Did you know I titty-fucked both Salma Hayek AND Lucy Pinder?” If I was dying of Alzheimer’s and my grandchildren asked me if I knew my own name I’d say, “I have no fucking clue. But I DID titty-fuck both Salma Hayek AND Lucy Pinder.” It would go at the top of my resume if I ever had to get a job. “Henry Deltoid: titty-fucker of both Salma Hayek and Lucy Pinder”. Who the fuck wouldn’t hire me if I did that?

I’ve had 5 delicious pilsners and compared and contrasted them all during the past five weeks. So, who wins after all these comparisons? Answer: I DO, because I got to drink all of these awesome pilsners! Also, I got to titty-fuck Salma Hayek AND Lucy Pinder! Wait a minute…no, I didn’t. But I sure imagined it vividly. And now I must…EXCUSE MYSELF.

Firestone Walker “Pivo Pils”
German Pilsner
ABV: 5.3%
IBU: 35
Style: 9.7/10
Overall: 8.5/10

The Deltoid has spoken.

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