Ahhh, summertime in the American Northwest…
It’s a great time to be in Oregon: The weather is finally perfect; Rose Fest comes and goes as craft beer keeps flowing freely; people bike over bridges; kids are playing in the street; sneakers proudly hang from the power lines, and… I’m sorry… does that shoe kind of look a dick to you?
If it does, you’re not imagining things. The city of Portland’s power lines are going through a bit of a sex toy epidemic at the moment, as reportedly hundreds of dildos are currently hanging from them. There’s no official tally on how many dildos adorn them, but there have been plenty of documented cases in North, Northeast and Southeast Portland.
In recent days, as the number of plastic phalluses grows, residents have been posting photos of the dangling dildos all over social media. Opinions about them are mixed, although the majority seems to be taking it with good humor. One tweet that showed several pictures at different intersections read: “Throwing dildos over the power lines has become a thing in portland. #keeportlandweird They’re all over town.” A different tweet expressed a much more conservative sentiment: “#Portland: All fun & games until your 6 yr old child asks, ‘What are those?’ as they point to the dildos in the sky.”
Those, kid none of us will ever meet, are examples that you’re growing up in an awesome town.
Throwing dildos over the power lines has become a thing in Portland. #keeportlandweird They're all over the town. pic.twitter.com/oP0xvdklkp
— Stu McEwan (@Stu_Mac14) July 15, 2015
This is the kind of thing that only a relaxed city like Portland can have without major conservative outrage — there’s been some, but considering how politically correct things are usually taken nowadays, this could have gone a lot worse. In the past three weeks, The Portland Office of Neighborhood Involvement has received just a handful of complaints from citizens. Most calls they actually did get have been inquiries from national media.
While the authorities would like to let people know that it’s never a good idea to bring any object into contact with the overhead lines, a spokesperson for Portland General Electric said he did not believe the dildos posed a fire hazard.
Having said that, a bit of caution is probably in order. “The temptation may be there for tittering, but we want to keep the lines as safe as possible,” Pacific Power spokesman Tom Gauntt told The Oregonian.
Possible explanation: OR TO DANGLE PORN happens to be an anagram of PORTLAND OREGON #keeportlandweird
— Andy Mason (@AndyMas93054497) July 16, 2015
Gauntt has also mentioned that a crew removed an adult toy from a power line in Southern Oregon about a month ago. So this may go farther back than anyone thought.
No one knows how this started, and it’s probably more fun that way. A Reddit thread suggested it may have started with a lost shipping container full of sun-damaged dildos. Maybe it was a very elaborate publicity stunt from a local sex shop to get their name out there. Or perhaps the citizens of Portland just had too many disposable sex toys to get rid of in anticipation for the next sex tech craze.
Whatever the cause, may they never find the dildo dangler!
