We know that life isn’t fair. No one said it was. But at least in a few things we are sure, all humans need to eat, breathe, shit, piss and fuck. At least in sex, the playing field is even, no matter how rich or poor you are. Or is it?

Needless to say, I was surfing the net, as per usual and what do I stumble upon? Only the most ridiculously priced sex toys that make me believe that either rich people fuck differently than us, or they’re being taken for a very expensive ride. I chose to believe the latter, because getting off is getting off is getting off. All I’m saying is, with the price tag that comes with these toys, I better be getting the most earth shattering, mind blowing, diamond rainin’ orgasm ever.

masturbation mirror

Masturbation Mirror
I mean, who doesn’t like to take a gander at ye ol’ nether region while blowing off a load, right? For us poor folks, we can grab a simple mirror at the corner shop and make do, but for the wealthy (and presumably those who have never heard of a corner shop), feel free to fork out US$1,127 (GB£700) for a Masturbation Mirror.

feather tickler

Ostrich Feather Tickler
I know some of us like to be tickled, that’s cool. I get it. However, if I needed a feather I’d probably stroll down to the nearby zoo or bird park and grab one from an unsuspecting bird (or off the floor) rather than fork out US$2,515 for an Ostrich Feather Leisure Tickler!

Robotic Fucking Machine
We’ve all been there on lonely nights, where we just want a robot dick to fuck us up the butt. But if I am able to fork out US$2,100 for a robot machine, I’m pretty sure I could also afford to go to a bar and find an actual dude to shag. It’ll probably be cheaper too!

robot sex machine

Gold Vibrator
I do love me a good vibrator. But as a fan, I also know that a vibrator is a vibrator! So having to fork out US$15,000 for a vibrator hurts my clitoris. Talk about an expensive orgasm!

Platinum Vibrator
For those of you not as flush, you can slum it with the rest of us with a cheaper vibrator. Only US$3,500 for a Platinum vibrator. Bah! Obviously if you can’t afford a US$15k vibrator, your orgasms are worth nothing!

Is it just me, or are all these toys catering only to women? I know women need a little more to get off, but this is ridiculous! How much is the most expensive toy you’ve ever paid for?

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