Let’s say you’ve just met someone new and you’re really into them. The sex is great, they laugh at all your jokes, and no matter what’s going on in your life they make everything better. You’ve been spending all your time with them, but after six weeks you suddenly start to feel like this person isn’t who you thought they were. The sex is kind of routine, you’re not sure if they get your sense of humor and you become critical and disillusioned. Everything fucking sucks. You ask your friends if they think you should break up with this imperfect person because, apparently, they’re not The One – or even the The One For Right Now.
You may start to think that this happens to you all the time; it’s a pattern. You wonder why you keep picking the wrong person and why you just end up feeling disappointed. Well, know this: You’re not alone. The explanation lies in neuroscience. It’s a real thing.
Josh Korda, a Buddhist meditation teacher and neuroscience expert says, “When there’s a new person in our lives, the mind rewards us by flooding the frontal lobe with dopamine, adrenaline, testosterone, estrogen…. Unfortunately, this very powerful and potent and wonderful situation lasts for a very short period of time. Pretty soon, after about a month or six weeks, the person we’ve been sleeping with are suddenly not so perfect anymore. Actually, all that’s happened is that there’s a shift in brain chemistry. They probably haven’t changed at all.”
We all have a tendency to want to get everything from one person and when that’s not happening we more often than not dwell on what we believe to be that person’s shortcomings. Develop a habit of openness in the mind. “Anything you do every day for three weeks,” Korda says, “becomes a habit.” Use that to your advantage because when serotonin replaces those reward-delivering neurotransmitters like fireworks at the beginning of a relationship, the striata part of the brain responds to the act of commitment. Consider that perfection is a myth. You may be throwing out the babe with the bath water.