US Presidents Sex Toys

It’s easy to sit and criticize those in power. Sure, they make make some crazy decisions at times, their careers may be ended by some insurmountable scandal or other, or they may just be really, really unlikeable. But when you’re the Leader of the Free World, the pressure must be immense. Every decision scrutinized, even the way you walk probably comes under pressure from the vultures of the American news network cabal.

So, a President needs to relax, right? And what better way to relax than through the fine art of sex?

BaDoink wants you to suspend your disbelief for just a little while as we present to you our take on which sex toy best suits ten of our most notable Presidents in history. We’ll be looking at the modern age, before delving back into the past to discuss what some of the earliest men in office could have used to relieve some of that constitutional tension.

Besides, they work in the Oval Office! If that isn’t a euphemism then quite frankly ladies and gentlemen we don’t know what is…

Barack Obama

You would be forgiven for thinking that the 44th and current Prez looks a little worn out and on edge. He’s taking a beating from all sides as the so-called “lame duck” waddles and quacks to the end of his second and final term.

So really, let’s see this as a pre-emptive going away gift for Barry O, the man who promised to shut Guantanamo Bay soon after being sworn-in for the first time but has not, the man who promised hope and change but has instead blundered in and around the Middle East and as dissention and violence become the norm once again…and we haven’t even mentioned two very prominent and recent social problems that have divided the country he was elected to lead.

So for you, Mr President, have some anal beads! But, let’s spice things up a bit…one bead per death by drone ordered by you and your administration. Looks like you’ll be sitting not-so-pretty on your hands and knees until the end of time!

Bill Clinton

This good ol’ boy from Arkansas probably doesn’t need help when it comes to more carnal matters, but how could we leave out this most priapic of Presidential lotharios?

Clinton has famously claimed on separate occasions that he has neither inhaled weed smoke nor had sexual relations with Monica Lewinsky. Hmm, we wonder, was there anything he DID do?

Mr Clinton, please accept BaDoink’s gift of a gag and some handcuffs. The cuffs will keep your wandering hands at bay and the gag might stop you lighting up those cigars. Plus, we’ll probably take a load of Hilary’s mind too! Or take a load off Ms Lewinsky’s dress. Whatever works.

Ronald Reagan

The former actor best known for hanging about with a chimp was one of the oddest Presidents in history; certainly when he believed the “showdown” between he and Mikhail Gorbachev was foretold in Revelation.

Reagan was also well known for his time spent with former British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher. The two had much in common; economic stability, getting into scrapes with foreign powers and fucking over a lot of people in the process.

So it doesn’t really leave us in any doubt when we say that perhaps the best gift to get Reagan would be a Thatcher sex-doll! Mr Reagan, tear down this vaginal wall and pull back the Iron Lady’s curtains.

Richard Nixon

It’s fair to say that Milhous had a little problem with trust. The Pres notorious for recording conversations in the Oval Office came unstuck via the Watergate Scandal, which led to Nixon’s resignation (and became the basis for a number of quotes that entered the common cultural lexicon).

But thanks to Nixon, his paranoia and Watergate we became accustomed to the phrase “Deep Throat”; the source that provided all of the scandal’s juicy details.

It stands to reason that the best gift to get this most infamous of world leaders is a huge dildo for him to practice his own deep throat techniques on! Besides, it would have kept his mouth shut long enough to stop him from making the terrible decisions that led to his downfall.

Looks like there could be something of a white wash in the White House after all…

George W. Bush

Nothing. He can go fuck himself!

Which other modern presidents deserve a sexy little gift? Let us know in the comments below!

Tomorrow, we check out what the classic presidents might have enjoyed fiddling with.

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