I once dated a musician who could play 5 different musical instruments. I thought I had hit the sexual jackpot! For sure this man with the ability to be good with his mouth (trumpet), fingers (guitar, piano, double bass) and feet (drums) would take me to sexual ecstasy!

While the sex wasn’t bad, he lacked rhythm. Of all things!

the use of vibrators during sex
Ah, decisions, decisions…

That wasn’t even what made me leave. Sex can be worked on. Rhythm can be learned. What I couldn’t take was his insistence on me climaxing using only penetration. He would take my hand away as soon as I tried touching myself. Vibrators were an insult. He even tried to ‘teach’ me how to orgasm, “Just tilt your body forward and rub against me.”

Considering that almost 75 percent of women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm (Understanding the Female Orgasm, Al Cooper, Ph.D., Sex Therapist, July 2003), I was a very unhappy bunny. We broke up soon after, but the question still remains for me. Should a man get offended if a woman uses a vibrator during sex?

Here’s what I think:

It’s not about you, sex isn’t a competition

If you’re going to tie your self-worth and masculinity on who is giving her the orgasm, then you better be prepared to go down on her a whole lot (and be good at it), because newsflash! If you think your penis is the only orgasm giver, you’re wrong (consider the “75 percent” comment above). For the most part a woman is in charge of her orgasms. Trust me, if we could come just by having you fuck us, we’ll be all over that. But most of us can’t.

A vibrator is the ultimate wing-man

Instead we need a little ‘help’. Consider the vibrator as an extension of you. With your penis + vibrator combo, you are giving her the best fucking orgasms ever. Trust us. Sure we can masturbate with a vibrator, but nothing beats having a real man. The vibrator is your friend, assuring that both you and your lady have fun.

Have a little fun and experiment

In fact go shopping for vibrators together. Get involved. So the experience is no longer a one-sided competition. It is now something that the two of you do together to spice things up.

At the end of the day, unless you’re a douche-bag, I’m sure you want your lady to have as much fun as you while having sex. Vibrators during sex boost sexual satisfaction, heighten levels of arousal, lubrication, and lower levels of pain during sex – all wins in my book. What are your opinions on vibrators during sex?

One Comment

  1. Do what feels good! You only live once before your dead. So…..don’t be dead in the sack! I learned the hard, long, lonely, no satisfaction till I was 45 way!!!!
    Ask to be pleased NOW!
    I doesn’t mean you have to be bitchy (unless ya wanna) or demanding about receiving what you and your body desire. Ask in a manner that is comfortable for you. Also keep in mind your partners feelings. With a touch of tact, you should – and deserve – to be respected and understood.
    Sex was meant to be pleasurable. This means for you too…;)