So I grew up in New England, which means that for me, the autumn is the best season, better than even the coveted months of summer. Now that I live in Spain, the sheer bliss of autumn is something I miss, just like I miss American sandwiches (it’s hard to find a reuben or other deli sandwich anywhere near the Mediterranean) and a catfish po’boy (not from New England, but you’ll forgive me this one). Sure, the ladies here are on average more attractive, there’s more sun, and life’s easier on the whole, but dammit if my NE sensibilities aren’t rearing their elitist heads.

If you have never experienced a real autumn (or think you have but aren’t sure), here are some things you are missing out on.

autumn is best

First, there’s the fall foliage. I know I sound silly, but there’s simply nothing like the crisp crunch of brown and orange leaves beneath your L.L. Bean boots. Google “fall foliage in Vermont” and you’ll understand (especially you, southern Europeans). It’s majestic and that’s a concrete fact.

Then, there’s the weather. It’s cold but not too cold, enough for classic man-wear. I don’t care who you are, no man in the summer can be as classy as in the autumn. At least in my fair region it’s totally awesome to sport a nice coat and some urban stomping boots. Sweaters are also awesome, especially on ladies, if you’re into the sexy librarian thing (and I live real close to Harvard, so hells yes). Sweater wearing ladies are everywhere I presume, but if they look like they can quote Proust and Mallarmé to your silly face then all the better.

Also, there’s the food. Ain’t no one gonna tell me there is any better season for food. First off, the autumn is filled with pumpkins. You can make those orange wonders into pies, soups, stews, curries, pasta sauces, or just roast the bad boys with some sweet potatoes and you’re in business. Fall is the best for hearty meat and vegetable stews, and if you’re not squeamish about a little chilliness you can still grill veggies and big piles of meat. But oh yeah, there’s big birds stuffed into ovens. Where I am now there are hardly any ovens big enough to roast a big ass Thanksgiving turkey, but NE is all about fat ovens for weighty birds.

If you’re not convinced, then there’s Halloween. Have your kids run around the neighborhood dressed as creatures whilst stuffing candy into their mouths, while you get drunk and check out ladies in ridiculous costumes? I call that a point for autumn.

Seriously Internet folks, if you have never experienced a New England autumn, go there next time the leaves change, have yourself an open-faced turkey sandwich with gravy, and just bask in it (then go apple picking and get a hella cheap apples). It’ll be goddamn whimsical.

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