We all know that getting stuff in your eyes can be something of an occupational hazard as a female porn performer but this is – as they say – taking the piss just a little bit.

The 21-page report into safety standards on porn sets compiled and released by California’s Division of Occupational Safety and Health has been roundly dissected, analysed and even mocked heartily in some quarters. Yet dig deeper and there are one or two things that might make you double-take.

It’s an eye-opener alright but Section (4)(F)(1) – we think – details some rather odd new demands:

Personal Protective Equipment.
1. Where occupational exposure remains after institution of engineering and work practice controls, the employer shall provide, at no cost to the employee, appropriate personal protective equipment such as, but not limited to, condoms, gloves for cleaning, and, if contact of the eyes with OPIM-STI is reasonably anticipated, eye protection. Personal protective equipment will be considered “appropriate” only if it prevents blood or OPIM—STI from passing through to or reaching the employee’s eyes, mouth, or other mucous membranes, or non-intact skin under normal conditions of use and for the duration of time which the protective equipment will be used.

Gloves, goggles… why not just go the whole hog and stick the guys and girls of porn in hazmat suits so they look like extras from some kind of shitty disaster movie? Hey, give them a mop and get them to scrub the floors and toilets while they’re there? Should these laws end up being enforced fully (the report is currently a ‘Proposed State Standard’) you might see an immense rise in profits and interests relating to latex and medical fetishes.