Well, here we are. Decades of fighting for freedom of expression, the right to enjoy our own private lives, the right to experiment with our sexuality, all of that and more, has been dealt a series of hammer blows to the temple by British authorities desperate to stamp their own seals of approval onto you.

Since their election in 2010, Britain’s Conservative government, led by Prime Minister David Cameron, have sought to erase and censor multiple different types and facets of pornography. Their latest move sees them stating that from today (12/2/14), ALL UK paid-for-porn must now adhere to the same guidelines as porn DVDs sold in retail outlets.

In layman’s terms it means the following are now banned:

• Spanking
• Caning
• “Aggressive whipping”
• Penetration by any object “associated with violence”
• Physical or verbal abuse
• Water sports
• Female ejaculation
• Strangulation
• Facesitting
• Fisting

Yes, you are reading this correctly: British authorities now consider themselves the moral arbiters of people’s sexual inclinations, needs, desires, wants and pursuits. The ruling does away with the notion of consent too. If you want these things done to you, or you want to watch two consenting adults perform such things to each other, then British law forbids you. THAT is the state of affairs we find ourselves in, people.

Under the legalese of Audiovisual Media Services Regulations 2014 amendments to the 2003 Communications Act, the government and the British Board of Film Censors (BBFC) are now not only content to dictate what you do in the privacy of your own lives, but see fit to try and eradicate the British porn industry; particularly the niche performers, directors and distributors. Since the amendment does not cover films made outside of the UK, it will simply drive consumers to new markets, and force those who work in the industry to ply their trade abroad. This is the same government that has continually urged its citizens to try and make a living for themselves in the private sector.

So what does this mean for those in the US? In the immediate sense, nothing much (unless you’ve got Brit porn subscriptions) but the long term presents a different view altogether. It only has to take one Senator, one President running against public opinion and desperate to win favor with voters, and all of a sudden such Draconian laws are being shoehorned onto the books and YOUR habits are under intense legal scrutiny.

Aside from the legal ramifications, this latest move is simply a huge ‘fuck you’ to people whose tastes might go a little against the grain. Way to inspire self-loathing and shame, you stiff-upper-lip bastards. Besides, what IS so wrong about face-sitting?! What exactly do they see wrong in female ejaculation? Given that sexual assault is sadly common worldwide, can we call a penis an “object associated with violence”? It’s almost as if… hold on here, folks… the people in charge are idiots and haven’t really thought this through properly!

BaDoink will be bringing you reaction and comment throughout the week from some of UK porn’s biggest players to this latest maneuver in the War On Porn.