Yeah, there’s lots of stuff out there that can really get on your nerves, lots… loads… masses of stuff. There isn’t time enough to name them all, so here are 10…

Socks

OK, I’m not an idiot, I get what they are for, a layer of comfort and warmth between foot and shoe, but they are ugly, kind of uncomfortable and easily become quite unpleasant. A range of colors does not make it any better, and if you are the kind of douche who wears the socks with individual toes (like foot gloves) you really need to take a long hard look at yourself.

Alcohol free beer

Every once in a while we don’t fancy a drink, or we are the designated driver, but does anyone actually love the taste of beer so much they can drink liters of it when it has no effect? NO. Simple as that. It has no place anywhere… and bars, shame on you for betraying the world that made you succeed. Responsible, not in my book.

Golf attire

I have been known to whack the odd ball round the links in my time, but the clothes make it almost unbearable. Check, plaid or tartan trousers (and trust me I’m a Scot) have no place in decent society; they are offensive to most if not all the senses. Match that with stupid visors (I mean what?), a single glove (hello!), and odd shirt, T-shirt and sweater combos and you truly look more ridiculous than the game you are playing. Don’t get me started on the shoes…

IKEA

Well thank you Sweden for affordable, kitsch furniture but I’m not sure all homes in the world should look the same, and it is getting that way; and while we are at it, you may wish to think about rebranding some of the names of your items. (Look it up if you don’t believe me.)

Sports rewarded by merit not scoring.

Rhythm gymnastics, ice skating, synchronized swimming. They may all have “artistic merit” (not in my book) but it seems the element of competition is missing. Sure, perform a more faultless routine than a competitor but “degree of difficulty” will never replace a score.

Bowling

Once I did have a little fondness for the ten pin sport, but then I grew a brain, became cynical and realized it’s actually crap. Ok, I’ll let you have Kingpin but I draw the line there.

Cheques

Come on people, this is the 21^st Century and this was never the most trusted or safe forms of payment, (anyone heard of Frank Abagnale Jnr?) Cash may be on the decline, contactless payment doesn’t seem a whole world better, but if you can’t keep control of your cards you probably don’t deserve money anyway.

The Little Black Box

I’m not rubbishing the idea of the little black box, but if that is the object most likely to survive then surely cost shouldn’t be an option.

Mosquitoes

Unless the Jurassic Park theory pans out, these little bastards have no place. Period.

Pets you can’t pet.

Who wants to come home and be welcomed by a tarantula bounding toward them? Sit of an evening, in front of a movie stroking the pet fish on your lap? How is it teaching your lizard to fetch? I hope you enjoy taking your snake for a walk. Wrong, pointless.

Okay, rant over (for now).