Sexy texts and those hot, revealing outfits may drive our man mad in movies and books, but in real life? “Men are never satisfied by women who try to keep their attention by wearing sexy clothes and spending a lot of time in the mirror,” for instance, says Cammi Balleck, PhD, author of Happy, the New Sexy. Not everything women do increases his libido new scientific research has discovered.

Men like women who look polished and presentable. Simply put, “men like natural,” says Dr. Balleck. “Good taste will attract men, and exaggeration will turn them away.” Less is more,” or at least that is what I have heard.

Suggestive texts can get your partner in the mood. Messages like, “Waiting for you to come home” or “I’m yours after Portuguese class  tonight” make sex predictable, which can influence man’s excitement, says Jane Greer, PhD, a relationship expert, radio host and author of What About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship. Making time for sex increases the chances you’ll have it. And keep your texts less specific, like “Looking forward to seeing you soon.”

I sometimes wonder why it is so important for our men to watch baseball games in high definition: “Men are highly visual beings,” says Dr. Greer. “So they’d love to see as much as possible during sex too. Insisting on hanky-panky always to be done in the dark could make him think that you’re more interested in how you look than how he makes you feel. And your insecurity can influence him, too. If you’re not comfortable, head to a room with a dimmer switch, or light a few candles.”

What looks passionate in movies can be a true pain in the neck this side of the screen,” says Pepper Schwartz, PhD, professor of sociology at the University of Washington and author of The Normal Bar: Surprising Secrets of Happy Couples. It’s not always true but for some women reaching orgasm isn’t easy. In fact, the average woman takes about 20 minutes to climax.

Many women think they must have an orgasm so as to show to their partner they have done a good job – “men take it as you not being real,” says Dr. Greer. If a guy feels you’re not being honest to him during an intimate moment, he may doubt he means much to you. It’s good to let him know when he turns you on, but never to fake.