When men jumped on the self-grooming bandwagon, I for one was relieved. At last, men too will smell good, dress well and generally present themselves in a much more, er, presentable way. For this I am thankful to gay men everywhere who raised the standards for men.

However, a curious trend has started emerging. As if unsure of where the masculinity line is drawn or perhaps just uber comfortable with their masculinity, a certain breed of men have taken metrosexuality to a new, slightly uncomfortable level. Just how metrosexual is too metrosexual?

Shaving or waxing everything
Everything. Down there, under the pits, on his chest, even his toes and knuckles. I get it. Hairless is in. But women want to feel like they’re dating a man not a man child. There is nothing worse than walking in on a man shaving his chest (ok, yes there might be worse things, but just go with it). Plus the regrowth looks awful. Everytime I come across a man with an ugly one week chest hair regrowth my vagina caves in on itself. And while women are grateful we don’t have to spit hair out when we go down on you, no one wants to unwrap that package to find it so erm… clean.

Wearing makeup
A touch of BB cream, some mascara to darken the lashes, perhaps even a smudge of blush for the cheeks… NO.. Seriously, unless it’s your thing to wear women’s clothes and makeup, there is no reason for a man to wear makeup on a day to day basis. Yes, sure it’s unfair that women get to do it, petal, but that’s the way of the world. Women wear makeup because it enhances our feminine quality. And unless you too want to enhance your feminine quality, I suggest you stay away from it.

More products than you
I’m all down with a guy having some products; hair gel, moisturizer, hair mask, facial cleanser – stuff like that. I mean, a man has got a body to upkeep. I get it. But when he starts stocking more products than you and is fighting for some cabinet space, it’s time to draw the line.

Nail polish
A little mani and pedi never hurt anyone and it’s always nice to see well kept hands and feet, but when he starts putting on a layer of shine (however clear it may be), it’s taking it a step too far. Dude, we want to know that underneath that well groomed body is a man that can still protect us and do the heavy lifting, not someone who will worry his nail polish will chip!

Now us ladies appreciate a clean, well-dressed man with a sense of style, but we still want to know that underneath it all is a tiger who can ravage us! So please don’t take metrosexuality too far. We still want our Marlboro Man, just cleaner, and who smells nice.