Not too long ago some girlfriends and I sat down to discuss the very serious topic of “The best sex you’ve had” and the conversation soon turned to why some experiences counted as the most orgasm-producing, heart-stopping, toe-curling over others. What magic formula had occurred to make us remember sexy time from so many years (weeks, months) ago?

We agreed that there has to be compatibility in the sack, passion, a measure of humor, patience and the secret ingredient; the one thing a man can add to that formula that can take the whole sex thang to the next level.

Let me elaborate. Once, some years ago a… uh… friend and I were fooling around. Things got heavy and soon all clothes were optional, and I was in for a treat of a lifetime. Little did I know that my friend had a real thing for v-jay-jays… a real thing. He was like a fat kid with cake; like a cat with catnip; like a woman with an unlimited credit card on sale day. He loved our little pleasure bit.

Now no matter how confident we are, women, to some measure are a little obsessed about our down under. Many of us don’t think it looks nice. We’re trying to change that, but it takes time. Ask any woman if you could just gaze into her nether region and you’ll receive a stare of confusion and maybe even disgust (unless you happen to meet the coolest, most put together woman in the world). But here I was with my friend, let’s call him P, and he loved me!

Like really loved me. He went down on me like it was Christmas. This was not just the obligatory “I need to get her off” going down. No he wanted to be there. Like every ounce of his pleasure hinged on how much he could suckle, tease and lick me down there. Of course I came like a fuckin train in a tunnel. The thing is, the thing that turned me on the most wasn’t the fact that he was doing these physical things to me. It was because he was doing what turned him on the most. His enjoyment actually turned me on!

So men, the secret ingredient is to stop obsessing and doing things that you think we want in bed, but to let your little bad self shine and ravage us! I’m not talking about pumping us twice and ejaculating. That’s just selfish. I’m talking about taking us in whole. Do you like when we’re scratching down your back? Moan in pleasure! Let us know! Do you like to hold our hair back when we’re giving you a blowjob because the sight of us sucking on your turns you on? Do it! Show us you’re getting off on us and we’ll get off on you!

We can feel it if you’re hesitant, if you’re not into it. And we can definitely feel it if you’re not really into going down on us.

Of course it goes without saying, when I say “do what turns you on,” I mean things that are legal and that you’ve asked permission for (anal sex, choking, peeing, etc.). Do not rape anyone. I repeat. Do not rape. No means no and maybe means no. Only yes means yes.

Other than that, bring your inner sexy self to the table. It’s bound to create some memories! What are your tips on explosive, awesome sex?