In theory, a nearly 70-year-old dude with mutton chops and huge prominent moles on the side of his face shouldn’t have the greatest odds at getting one — let alone several — signature sex toys released to his name.
Of course, Lemmy Kilmister isn’t your average old man. The leader of the legendary band Motörhead has been called God by many hard rock fans for over three decades, and you know your deity status has been confirmed when there are people who swear they saw your face miraculously showing up in a pancake.
But legends outlive breakfast, and to show a more appropriate way of honoring one of the most important figures in rock and roll history — especially one for whom pleasing the ladies has been a lifelong priority — the British company Lovehoney has announced the imminent release of an exclusive Motörhead branded sex toy collection.
“One of the songs on our debut album was called ‘Vibrator’ so we had to have our own one day, right?” Lemmy said. “Apparently, it was worth the wait.”
Motörhead — The Official Pleasure Collection includes four bullets and classic torpedo-shaped vibrators with the band’s iconic logo. The vibes are all named after some of the band’s most popular songs, and all the designs are expected to have the classic Motörhead style — no cutesy shit on these!
“We designed these classic vibes for both fans of Motörhead and rock lovers, as well as those who just want a cool looking toy to add to their collection,” said Lovehoney co-founder Neal Slateford. “The range captures the rock and roll lifestyle of the band perfectly, and offers a unique counterpoint to the traditionally pink and purple toys that currently dominate the market.”
“Motörhead’s massive fan base is a testament to their popularity, with the band having sold more than 15 million albums worldwide,” said Ray Hayes, Lovehoney’s commercial director. “With the announcement of the band’s 22nd studio album Bad Magic in August and their warmly received Glastonbury Festival appearance this year, we are certain that Motörhead — The Official Pleasure Collection will become a firm favorite for lovers and rock fans alike.”
The collection will be launched at the ANME Founders Show, which will take place in Burbank, Los Angeles, from July 12-14. It will be available from distributors shortly after, but if you somehow feel like that’s way too long to find out more about your Ace of Spades vibrator, you can email firstname.lastname@example.org and request more information, or just drop by the Lovehoney booths at the ANME show. Lemmy won’t be there, but his black vibrating representation will be ready to be charged.